my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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