I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
