Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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