My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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