just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
