I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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