My nipple is on Facebook.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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