No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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