THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
