we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
