He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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