is your mom at the bar?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
