so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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