where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
