the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
