I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize