I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
