He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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