I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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