Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
