just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's official drugs can't kill me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
