So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
