I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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