Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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