I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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