WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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