September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
