genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
