Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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