Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize