he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So much Jack, so little girl.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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