i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
