He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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