I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
