Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
