I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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