I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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