Please, let me fuck your mom
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
