dude i'm inner monologue high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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