you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
