I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
