I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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