Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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