we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What a dumb baby whore.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize