the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
