i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
