At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
