Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
