If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
