Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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