Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
