A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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