You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize