Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
