Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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