doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Holy sore nipples Batman
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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