Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
