she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
