Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
