I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
