the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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