It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My bed smells like the plague
Text me some of your sweat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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