I love black thongs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
