There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
