I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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