so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize