my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drake has all the answers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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