Even water is tasting like jack daniels
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
