My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
