Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
