She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
