I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
