I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
