Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
