I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
