K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
