tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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