Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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