Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
