I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
