you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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