You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
