Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize