i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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