Pants 0. Shit 1.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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