Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
