Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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