They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
