My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
