No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize