The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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