when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
