Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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