What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
