You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
