well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
