How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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