I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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