Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to calm my uterus...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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