sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
