it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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