So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
